Hey.
Life. Amirite?
As 2023 is drawing to a close, I have come to a lot of realizations. Some personal. Some professional. All necessary to catapult me into 2024 and beyond. And as I write this, I am cognizant of the fact that today, November 20th, will be the last November 20th I’ll spend in Seoul for a while. Next spring I’ll be moving back to the states and I am equal parts excited, terrified, and exhausted.
To be fair, I foolishly haven’t emotionally prepared myself and have been ignoring all of the wisps of emotions of the move—and they only get released when I’m watching television. I have a list of things I want to do before leave and I haven’t done them—it’s like the expiration date on my visa here isn’t real—but it is. It really is.
But to also be fair, I have made plans to start therapy in January before I stop working. So maybe I’m channeling Whitney Houston and I’m “saving all my love for you (therapy).” Who’s to say?
Summer in Seoul was hot. Shocker. Inspiration was waning and I found things difficult to write. I was basically existing.
In September I took a brief trip to the states to see the Shea Family, and tell them I’m moving back. While staying in Vermont, I realized that I really didn’t want to move back to the states but I know that I need this. This is the necessary step for me to be where I need to be. I know this is the only way. So that’s why I am able to tuck my ribbons under my helmet and be a good soldier. It’s temporary, ephemeral. Yet vital.
In October/November, one of my favorite humans on this planet came to visit and it was glorious to have her back here. No amount of time with T will ever be enough, but I am grateful for all the laughter, talks, and food we inhaled. One of the reasons why I know I can handle this move is because she will be a lot closer to visit from Florida than Korea. Until then, we’ll still send each other TikToks on our latest and past hyper fixations, and send memes/reels on IG. And that in and of itself is comforting.
Maybe it would be better to express all of the emotions before I leave so that I will not have any residual ones left to yearn for when I move back (before I can move forward).
Fast forward to now. I’ve found a spark of inspiration recently and my love for words have started a fire within me. Hence why I am able to even able to make my goal of writing a journal entry this month when I couldn’t do it after May.
So this is where we are. Kind of where we started. And yet, not.
Onward.
cm.